“No one knows me.” How many times have you thought these exact words? I’ve thought it so many times and you know, I still think it. Yes people know me as the girl at church, the girl at school, the girl at that retreat I went to last year. People don’t know me at a deeper level though. People barely know what I’m thinking or feeling. They think they do, but they really don’t. If you ask the people I know, very rarely could they tell you whether or not I’m truly happy or not. Very rarely could they tell you about the real me and not just the usual, “the girl with brown/blonde hair, blue eyes…” story. People don’t actually know me. The worst sometimes is when someone thinks they know me and they try to tell me about myself. I have a friend who thinks they know me more than I know me. She told me “everything” about me that I apparently didn’t know. Half of what she said was false. I don’t know what the purpose of this was except that it made me feel so alone. How could someone I call my friend actually try to tell me things about me that I don’t already know or that aren’t true? I do know that there are times that a friend can tell you things that you might not have noticed about yourself but this wasn’t one of those times. I don’t mind being told things about myself that I might not have noticed but don’t tell me who I am. That was what got me angry. She tried to tell me who I am when I’m supposed to be the one to define that. I tell me who I’m supposed to be. I become who I want to be. No one else does. She definitely did not know me. This realization was saddening. I thought she knew me when she really knew nothing about me.
I don’t like that no one really knows me because it makes me feel alone. If I’m feeling sad or lonely it feels like I have no one to go to. No one knows me so who do I go to when I’m feeling down and out? I’m not trying to hide who I am; it’s just hard for me to trust people with things. Maybe it’s just me but I really have a hard time being vulnerable and telling someone everything, even if it is my best friend. I feel bad that I don’t tell my best friends everything; I wish I could but I’m scared of telling people things. There are certain things that I’m embarrassed to tell or that I really, really don’t want anyone knowing. In fact I was recently talking with my sister and I mentioned that not one person in the world knows everything about me. I have four best friends and several close friends and none of them know everything there is to know about me. Each of my best and closest friends knows parts of me that the others don’t. I don’t mean to keep secrets but I’ve had too many times where the best secret keeper is myself. Thus, I remain with this feeling of being alone in the world.
In John 1:10 it says, “He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him.” This passage shows us that even Jesus felt this feeling of not being known. We think of Jesus as this man of God who people knew and loved yet He too, felt that no one knew Him. At least, they didn’t know the real Him. They didn’t know what was going on in his head several times throughout His life. One of the biggest examples is when He was in the Garden of Gethsemane; He was sweating blood because of the stress He felt about what was to occur the following day. He told His disciples to pray yet they fell asleep. They did not know Him. They didn’t know He was going through incredible emotional pain. They did not know He would be crucified for their sins. They did not know Him even if He created the very world they lived in. This passage can give us encouragement. We are not alone. Jesus felt the very same thing that we feel. Even better, He knows us. He knows everything about us. So even when I’ve felt alone and like no one knows me, He does; He knows me.
In John 17:16 it says, “They are not of the world, even as I am not of it.” This passage can also give us encouragement. God tells us that we are not supposed to be of this world. We are not necessarily supposed to be known by this world, just like Jesus was not known by this world. It is okay to not be known by those of this world. Although this is difficult because we wish that people did know us, we don’t have to be known by the world. God knows us. That should be enough. I know how hard it is to remember this or to accept it even. Nonetheless it is true. I sometimes forget that He knows and loves us but when I do remember, I am at peace. I would love for people to know me but I must not complain when they don’t. This is not an excuse to not be vulnerable, however, there are times when we need to be vulnerable and trust people. This is merely a reminder that when we feel like no one knows us; it isn’t true for Someone does know us. It’s okay if we do feel like people know us and it is okay to want for people to know us. But we also must try to remember that the next time we think, “no one knows me,” Someone does. We are not alone.
Goodbye, until next time!
